


Obnoxious

by flootzavut



Series: Lie to NCIS [12]
Category: Lie to Me (TV), NCIS
Genre: Awesome Foursome, Crossover, Friendship, Gen, Gibbs/Cal friendship, JxC, JxK, Kate Lives, Lie to NCIS, Shamelessly stolen tag, and we never get anywhere BECAUSE THEY'RE BOTH DAFT AS DOORBELLS, because it's perfect, foursomeverse, references Callian, references Kibbs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-07
Updated: 2016-02-07
Packaged: 2018-05-18 19:53:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5941102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flootzavut/pseuds/flootzavut
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"He prefers being obnoxious, generally. It's more effective, faster, and a lot more fun."</p>
<p>Crib notes for the fandom blind included!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Obnoxious

**Author's Note:**

> Kate lives!AU. Post LTM canon, playing fast and loose with NCIS canon as it suits me, in a 'verse where Kate is still alive and working for NCIS.
> 
> NCIS folks: Gill and Cal are experts in lie detection, using facial expression (reading emotion), vocal stress analysis and other expertise. The Lightman Group helps various law enforcement agencies and other people when the truth is at stake.
> 
> LTM folks: Kate and Gibbs are federal agents who work for NCIS, investigating crimes affecting the US Navy or Marines. Kate is ex-Secret Service. Gibbs is a team leader and is reknowned for his gut instincts.

* * *

  ** _Obnoxious_**

* * *

 

They watch the girls walk away, probably with equally dopey looks of adoration pasted on their faces if Gibbs' expression is anything to go by. Cal can't decide if they're lucky bastards to have these women in their lives, or stupid arseholes for continually not doing anything about it.

It's possible the simple answer is both.

"So what's the deal with you and Kate, then?"

He's going for blunt tonight. He's given up on more subtle ways of sussing out this side of the dynamic between Gibbs and his lovely young agent, he has Dutch courage on tap, and besides, he prefers being obnoxious, generally. It's more effective, faster, and a whole lot more fun.

(He sort of thinks it's impressive he's held out this long. He'd tell Gill, except he thinks she'd be less impressed than he'd like.)

Gibbs very nearly chokes on his beer. "What?!"

His try at 'ignorant innocence' isn't very good - Cal supposes it's not an expression he has to use all that often.

"What's the deal? Why aren't you making a move? How have you possibly left it this long?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Cal rolls his eyes. "Do me a favour. I've seen the way you look at her. Like you want to dip her in chocolate just so's you can lick 'er clean."

He can actually hear Gibbs gulp.

"You fancy her. You fancy her something rotten. You are absolutely dying to get in 'er knickers, mate."

Gibbs' face has gone from a guilty attempt to mask his embarrassment to looking confused, and Cal realises his baiting has been lost in translation.

He tries again.  _Keep it simple_. "I mean, you like her."

Gibbs nods, looking wary. "Sure I do."

" _Like_  like her."

Gibbs abruptly stops nodding.

"'Like her' like you'd like to peel her out of that little black dress and kiss her all over like her."

Now Gibbs' face has almost completely shut down. Cal has to give it to him; he's good. He's really very good. Most people would be at a loss once Gibbs gets his poker face on.

Unfortunately for Gibbs, Cal is not most people.

"Yeah, thought so."

"I didn't say anything _._ "

Cal leans back in his chair and takes a swig of beer. "I beg to differ. Your face speaks volumes. Fr'example, it tells me you've got the hots for Kate pretty much whenever she's in the room. Bloody well screams it, actually. And right now," he continues cheerfully, "it's telling me to shut up or you'll twist my head off by my ears."

"So why are you still talking?"

It's an ice cold tone Cal's sure works on criminals on a daily basis, but while he might have had his share of criminal moments in the past, this is not a situation in which he's easily cowed.

"'Cause I'm nosy, and I want to know why you're not shagging a woman you're clearly nuts about. And who's clearly nuts about you, by the way. In case you was wondering."

Surprise and doubt flash across Gibbs' face in quick succession before being ruthlessly shut down. "Kate- I mean, Agent Todd is..." He pauses, swallows again. "She's a colleague. My subordinate."

"So?"

"It would be... inappropriate. If I wanted to. Which I don't."

"Liar."

Gibbs makes a sound which could be described as growling, if Cal was feeling melodramatic. He decides to try another tack.

"'Course, I can't blame you. She's gorgeous, that one. Beautiful eyes, lovely smile. Fantastic tits."

He wishes they were at the Lightman Group with video cameras all over the shop, rather than some anonymous bar, because Gibbs doesn't display a micro-expression or leak his feelings at Cal's last two words; he goes straight for pure, full blown anger, do not pass go, do not collect two hundred quid.

It would've made really good teaching material. (And an example of when to get out of Dodge, pronto.)

For a moment he thinks Gibbs is going to spring up out of his seat with intent to kill, but his hands clamp tightly around his bottle and he glowers instead. If looks could kill, Cal would be a greasy strain on the carpet... though if looks could kill, he wouldn't have made it to his twenties, so he just grins.

"Don't you think? Lovely legs, too. Nice arse."

Actually, Cal would be more worried if looks could torture. The expression on Gibbs' face is one that would melt the flesh from his bones like a blowtorch. And there's something underneath the glare he hasn't seen so clearly before. It's painfully familiar.

_You poor besotted bastard_.

Cal can relate. At least, as Gill's best friend, he has the right to poke his nose in without getting it torn off. He can reasonably give any man in her life 'the talk', protect her as best he can. If he thinks someone's not on the level, he can and will do something about it. (Even if it sometimes gets him in hot water.)

Gibbs may adore Kate, and Kate may be entirely smitten with Gibbs, but in the eyes of the world they're merely work colleagues. He doubts Gibbs feels able to have a quiet word with the men she dates, or to beat to a pulp anyone who hurts her. He rather suspects Kate would be secretly thrilled if Gibbs did either of those things, but Gibbs won't cross that line, and even if he did, she would probably feel obliged to protest.

Final test. Cal would be having more fun if he didn't like Gibbs so much. He rarely feels bad about purposefully baiting a reaction out of someone, but Gibbs is a decent bloke whose anger is covering up a whole pile of hurt. Cal hadn't realised quite how much before, and he feels like a shithead for what he's about to do. If he could figure out a less cruel way to rapidly get to the bottom of this, he'd use it.

_In for a penny_. He's surprised at his own scruples, really, but he wants to know and he's got this far, so he just steels himself and goes for the kill.

"Though I mean, since you're not going to ask her out... d'ya mind if I have a go? After all, she's not my subordinate. She's funny and she's clever and she's good company. I bet we'd have a laugh." He pauses, lets that sink in. "And somebody should be enjoying that delicious rack of hers, eh?"

Gibbs' eyes slip closed, and the anger on his face is now tempered with something like despair. He presses his lips hard together on whatever's trying to escape.

"Oh, mate." Cal shakes his head. "You do have it bad for her, don't you?"

His voice is softer now. Having got the truth, he can't bring himself to draw it out any further.

As well as liking Gibbs (more than he's completely comfortable with), he also empathises with the man way too much. God knows Cal is intimately familiar with this situation, with being head over heels and arse over brain in love with someone you shouldn't.

"What?" Gibbs is confused, as well he might be, with the sudden change. He glares at Cal, though his heart isn't really in it any more. Less murder, more GBH.

Cal shrugs. "Sometimes the easiest way to get at the truth is through anger. I'm not really going to try and get into your Kate's lingerie. I don't put the moves on a friend's bird. Not kosher."

"She's not mine."

"'Course she is. And you're hers. Done deal. You might as well be going round with 'taken' stamped on both your foreheads."

"She's not- we're not-"

"But you want to be, both of you." Cal forces out a laugh, though this really doesn't strike him as particularly funny. "Won't catch me getting in the middle of that."

Gibbs lets out a long breath, and it's as if all his tension and anger and defensiveness dissolve to be left with sadness. "Oh. Okay." He's clearly totally wrong-footed, but Cal suspects it'll leave him more open to actually talking about everything, so on the whole it works for the best.

"I'll get us another round." Because it's probably a conversation neither of them wants to have while too sober.

When he gets back, Gibbs is intently studying the label he's shredding from the bottle of beer in his hand, and Cal decides pointing out label peeling can be a sign of sexual frustration would not be a very good survival tactic. Without comment, he plonks down two more bottles, and two tumblers with shots of the finest whisky the bartender could offer him.

"So, how long exactly have you been in love with 'er, eh?"

Gibbs shoots him a dark look from under his eyebrows, apparently having been under the foolish assumption the discussion was over. He finishes off his beer and puts the bottle down with more force than is really necessary. "Never said I was."

"Not out loud, no," Cal agrees. "But how long?"

Gibbs sighs and fiddles with a bar mat before picking up the whisky glass and swirling it around a little. "Not really sure." He shakes his head. "Kinda... crept up on me. Spent a lot of time pretendin' to myself it was nothin'. Against the rules, y'know?"

Cal frowns. He can understand why there might be fraternisation regs, but it's painfully clear Gibbs has never allowed himself to fraternise with Kate.

"Don't see how they can enforce rules about being in love, mate."

He shrugs. "Not NCIS' rules -  _my_  rules." He takes a sip from the glass. "'Don't get personally involved'. 'Never date a coworker'. 'Romance between agents never works'."

Cal's never been much of a one for rules, though he can respect Gibbs having a personal code. However, something strikes him as off. "That last one doesn't sound much like a rule, really."

Gibbs chuckles humourlessly. "Yeah, it's not exactly a rule. More like... the voice of experience, I guess."

"Ah."  _Huh_. Well, it explains a lot. Rules and regs, so far as Cal can see, don't do a very good job stopping people from doing what they want, even when what they want is stupid or frivolous or dangerous. He can't imagine rules - or possibly even laws - get in the way of Gibbs getting done what needs to be done.

Personal experience, though... that's a different story. Personal experience makes much more sense as a reason why Gibbs hasn't given in and kissed Kate silly.

"What about you?"

The question jars Cal out of his thoughts. "What about me what?"

Gibbs gives him an amused, knowing look. "How long you been in love with Gillian?"

_Oh. That_. Well, Gill did warn him Gibbs was practically a natural. He hadn't really believed her - Gibbs just doesn't fit the profile of the other naturals he's encountered.

And well, in fairness, he's pretty sure even the cleaning staff are aware he's batty about Gill by this point, so it doesn't necessarily prove anything. He just wasn't expecting to face a retaliatory interrogation, that's all.

He could dissemble, pretend he doesn't know what Gibbs means, but at this point he's sort of past caring. A denial would be hypocritical and possibly unkind, but most of all it would be pointless.

"Well, we met in oh-three. A bit after St Paddy's. So... coming on eight years, I s'pose." He doesn't bother to qualify it, or say how many of those years he's been in love with her. Because while he didn't like to admit it at the time, even to himself, he isn't sure he got even halfway through their first session before he knew -  _knew_  - he needed Gill in his life.

Gibbs chuckles softly. "Like that, huh?"

Cal shrugs. "Pretty much. Which was sort of inconvenient, considering we were both married at the time."

Gibbs' mouth turns up into a little smile. "Yeah, can see how that'd put a dampener on it." He swirls his whisky round a bit more, and takes a larger sip this time. "'Bout six months before I met Katie, then."

_Aye aye_. Cal sits back in his chair and takes a long swig of beer. 'Katie'? He's heard Gibbs call her that before, but it's always been a slip of the tongue, apparently unconscious. And fifteen minutes ago he was rather self-consciously calling her Agent Todd.

Perhaps it's the discovery of their uncomfortable common ground, or maybe it's the alcohol. Either way, Gibbs seems less like he's about to either kill somebody or scarper, more resigned, and more open than Cal's seen him since they first met.

"How long'd it take you?"

Gibbs looks thoughtful. "Well, first off she told me she grew her own balls. Think it was prob'ly when she threatened to shoot me I knew I was in trouble, though."

Cal can't help but laugh. Both those incidents fit very well with the Kate he's come to know, even if it's the best part of a decade later, and both of them seem like things Gibbs would find hard to resist. "How long did it take her to threaten to shoot you."

"The first time?"

Cal laughs again, and wonders just how common an occurrence it is. "Yeah, the first time."

Gibbs gives it a moment's thought. "'Bout fifteen minutes?"

"That long?"

"Maybe ten."

They share a grin. They might be pathetic, but at least they're both in the same boat. Cal can see how a man could easily get bewitched by a certain Miss Todd, and he has the idea Gibbs is no less impressed by Foster.

"What're we like, eh?"

Gibbs sighs, grins wryly. "Guess there's worse weaknesses in life than strong, beautiful women who've got your back."

Cal can't argue with that. He leans forward to swap his beer for the whisky, and holds up his glass. "To Kate an' Gill." He's not sure where the impulse to toast them came from, but somehow the sentiment feels appropriate.

Gibbs clinks glasses with him, then downs the rest of his shot. "And to gettin' shitfaced and pretendin' we ain't cowards."

Cal laughs. He had vague ideas of pointing out to Gibbs exactly why he needs to make a move on Kate sooner rather than later, how she likes him back and would be  _so_  on board, but he has a feeling Gibbs will turn anything he says right back on him and his relationship with Gill. Probably it'd be good for both of them to actually talk about this stuff and figure out some way to stop being such a pair of sad old wankers, but getting raucously drunk and ignoring the issue entirely is a lot more appealing right now. There's always tomorrow, right?

"Hear, hear." He chugs his own shot wholesale, tries not to splutter, then grabs his beer again.

Shitfaced and pretending? Yup. That he can definitely do.

_~ fin ~_


End file.
